It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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