Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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