Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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