I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
