Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
