He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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