I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
