and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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