You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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