I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
