I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
