I want to stick my p in your. b.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
