He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
