She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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