Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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