WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
