fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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