a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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