i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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