Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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