The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
