yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
