i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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