I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
