I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh god the rape fog is back!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
