Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
