Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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