im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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