so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm at about main and main street
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
