Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
