finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize