I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
