Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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