how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize