If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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