Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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