I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
