don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
