We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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