my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
