ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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