apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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