i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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