Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
