I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
