Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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