You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you win again, gameday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
