First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
