Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
