I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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