She announced her abortion via fbk
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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