Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We named our party play list daddy issues
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
