i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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