I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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