And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
