What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I CAN MOONWALK!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
