i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
