shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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