It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize