So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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