Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
