So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize