Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
