so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
