watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
sex in a hospital.. check
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
