I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
