I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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