she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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