he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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