At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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